Skitzo's Public Page-Skitzo #1

Administered by Hal "Skitzo" Waterhouse

Skitzo sez: This first skit did not quite promote a specific activity, but it had captured the essence of what we do here at Skitzo's Public Page. So we think it deserves to be the first one published! You could very easily add an Announcer at the end saying "Don't settle for another weekend in front of the tube, come to __________ (our spiritually uplifting event)". What do you think?

"Surf City" by Dave Tippett

TARGET AUDIENCE: Church/Unchurched
LESSON: Parable of the Leaven/Making a Difference-Luke 13:20)
CAST: FRED, WANDA
PROPS: Two Chairs (folding are easier) 2 small tables T.V. set, on a stand Large remote control, w/"pull cord" Laundry basket w/laundry Song 'WIPEOUT' (By the "VENTURES") on tape Sound effect of motor starting, like lawn mower or chainsaw
RUNNING TIME: Approx. 7-8 mins.
(Set consists of two chairs together, facing downstage, right. A television on a table faces the chairs. There is also a table next to the chairs. The scene opens with FRED entering the set, stage left. He is dressed in a robe, t-shirt and sweat pants).
FRED: (big yawn) Oh, man what a day...(wanders over to the chairs, consults watch) Let's see, I haven't watched any T.V. in about (counts silently on his fingers)..20 minutes. Wonder what's on? (he goes to T.V., pretending to turn it on, then sits down on one of the chairs and leans back) Cool! I love this show! Boys and their toys... (he sits and watches for a beat or two, then WANDA enters from stage left. She's dressed casually and carrying a load of laundry. She sees FRED, but can't see what's on the T.V. yet. Sets the laundry down on table)
WANDA: What's the matter honey? Afraid the T.V. was cooling off too much?
FRED: (doesn't take eyes from T.V.) Oh, you just don't appreciate the great... uh...educational opportunities that are available on this thing...yeah.
WANDA: (starts folding the laundry, sarcastic tone) Oh, excuse me, I didn't realize you were cramming for your P.H.d. (heads towards the T.V.) Hmmmm. Let's just see which lecture on rocket science you're watching...
FRED: (jumps up nervously, runs to T.V. and tries to hide the screen from her view) Uh, you don't want to watch this, it's just some lecture on uh..global warming..yeah..
WANDA: Oh, really? (gently pushing him back to his chair) I've always wanted to know more about the environment.
(FRED looks nervously off to side while WANDA watches for a few beats, then..)
WANDA: (dripping with sarcasm) Ahhh, I see. You must have turned on some PBS documentary about monster truck rallies! I bet those trucks really do warm up the planet with all that exhaust. And they are saving room in our landfills by crushing those cars like that. Oh, and those drivers do look like a real environmental crusaders. I...
FRED: (interrupts her) O.K., O.K., I just wanted to watch something entertaining, so sue me. Look, why don't you sit down and we can watch something that we both like.
WANDA: Hmmm. Well, I was in the middle of having a life, Guess five minutes won't matter...if we don't have to watch the rest of this tribute to masculinity. (she sits next to him)
FRED: O.K., O.K...(looks around on the floor) Hey, have you seen the remote? (panics) Where's the remote?! Where is it? I..oh yeah, I remember where it is..(he goes to table, opens drawer and pulls out a remote control that has a long cord wrapped around it , with a wooden handle at the end.. he holds it up) Yeah, just got this baby at the hardware store..it's one of those new 10 horsepower jobs, with a pull start! (he pulls cord off like he's starting an engine..motor/chainsaw sound effect comes up for a beat) Let's see what she do! (he points the remote at the T.V. and starts to slowly change from channel to channel, making a big motion with his thumb. The song 'WIPEOUT' starts as FRED starts moving his thumb faster and faster, 'zapping' the T.V...he then stands up and pretends to start surfing, then moves around the set, changing channels from behind his back, between his legs, pulling remote out of an imaginary holster, using his chin, ear, nose to change channels, throwing it up in the air, and then catching it and changing the channel, holding up a hand mirror, turning his back on the T.V., and using the mirror to see the T.V. behind him, etc. Should be played BIG. During this, WANDA stares at the T.V., trying to watch, then does a slow burn..finally, her frustration boils over)
WANDA: STOP IT!! STOP IT!!
(the music stops cold as FRED freezes in a final 'zapping' position)
FRED: What?
WANDA: You do this everytime! You change the channels so fast, I can't tell if the show's any good or not!
FRED: Oh, it's easy to tell! (counts on his fingers) Anytime you see an orchestra...or a weather map...or an episode of 'The Love Boat', someone with a microphone standing in an audience, or someone saying, "This beautiful diamond ring was 2 million dollars...your TV Shopper price...$11 bucks"...that's when you know it's time to surf right on by.
WANDA: Well, maybe I want to see some of those programs.
FRED: (whiny) Look, I..I just can't help it. I have to see what's on all the other channels (holds remote to his chest, away from her) It's a boy thing.
WANDA: O.K., I'll make you a deal. Can we just watch something for 10 seconds before you flip it? Just 10 seconds?
FRED: (leery) Welllll..I guess we can try it. (he points the remote again and pushes once. Then, out of the side of his mouth, he starts counting) One one thousand, two one thousand, three one thousand (he then starts counting faster and faster until) TEN ONE THOUSAND! (he points the remote and starts flipping again..'WIPEOUT' music comes up for a second as he jumps around changing channels again)
WENDY: AHHHH! I give UP! (she goes back to the laundry, as FRED sits back down..music has stopped again..after a beat, he stops switching and stares at the screen)
FRED: Ha. Look at this commercial! I hate this one! It's sooooo stupid! They claim that by adding their little gizmo thing deal to your car's engine, that it'll run like a hundred times better than it does now. A hundred times! Like something that small would make such a big difference. Ha! How stupid do they think we are?
(WANDA starts to respond, but FRED holds up his hand)
FRED: Never mind, never mind.
(after a beat, WANDA puts down the laundry and goes to FRED)
WANDA: (quieter) You know, I guess I've been thinking how much little things can make a big difference myself.
FRED: (not really listening) Huh..what did you say?
WANDA: Little things..(takes the remote from his hand) can make big differences..in the way people relate..talk..spend time together..don't you think?
FRED: Ahhhh..are you trying to tell me something?
WANDA: I don't know. I feel like this little thing (showing the remote) is making a big difference in our lives.
FRED: (thinks for a minute, then gets up and goes to her) Maybe you're right..I guess I've gotten into a rut here..(takes the remote) Though these things are fun..and look at the muscle tone in that thumb! (shows off thumb used to switch channels) O.K. sorry, sorry. Look... why don't I turn this thing off for the night, get dressed and take you go out to dinner. What do ya say?
WANDA: (gets up, excited) That would be great! Can we go to that new Italian place on the west side?
FRED: (both start walking off to stage right) Sure. As long as they have one of those big screen T.V.'s..(he brandishes the remote as WANDA reacts) just kidding..just kidding..
(she waves a warning finger as he follows her off stage right..just before he exits, he pauses..clicks the remote one last time at the T.V...watches for a beat, then pretends to be yanked offstage by WANDA)
FRED: Coming dear!
(as they leave the set, 'WIPEOUT' comes up for a beat or two, then fades out)